Witty Comebacks That are Sure to Leave Anyone Speechless

Witty Comebacks
Have you ever been in a situation where the person standing in front of you has just remarked about your hair, clothes, or appearance, and you had nothing clever or out of the ordinary to say back? Treat them with a witty reply, and get even with the person who was mean to you.
SocialMettle Staff
Last Updated: Mar 19, 2018
Don't you wish you could think on your feet and say something smart, funny to humiliate the person who did the same to you? Believe it or not, almost everyone of us has been in such a situation one time or another. So just as a precautionary method (and not a medium to insult others and throw witty replies at innocent people), let's take a look at such turbulent times when you desperately require some comebacks and insults.
Sassy Comebacks for Girls
Witty Comeback
~ If someone insulted you (about absolutely anything you can imagine), come back with: "Are you on medication for that?" (and then slightly nod looking down)
Witty Comeback
~A colleague bothering you? Say, "Hey, I'm a bit busy at the moment. Will it be alright if I ignore you right now?
Witty Comeback
~Annoying neighbor? "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma."
~Ask him/her..."Do you always mask insults with humor?"...and wait for their reply, if they have any.

~Gently pat on his/her shoulder and ask, "It's obvious you are under stress. Is there anything I can do?"

~For the times you just can't take it anymore..."There is no vaccine against stupidity."

~If someone gives you, "If everyone is jumping off a cliff, you would too?" line, then reply with a, "Of course. If everyone jumped off, the world's gonna be quite boring to live alone.
~A co-worker just won't leave you alone? Try this: "Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?"

~Do people trouble you about your outer appearance? Make your "opponent" confused and dazed with, "We are so alike in some ways, aren't we?"

~Pesky student just won't leave you alone? Here's how you get even: "You a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
~"Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice..."

~Cruel words for insult: "I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?"

~Having little knowledge about the world can be fine, but I'm not sure if the same can be said for you.
Interesting Comebacks to Pick Up Lines
When you want to revert any unwanted attention at a party or nightclub, humorous comebacks to men can be very helpful. The purpose for the following comebacks and remarks are that you want to shift the attention from yourself to the guy(s) who initiated the conversation.
Witty Comeback
Man: "Hey babe... how's it hangin'?"
You: "Wow. Are you always this creepy or tonight you're making a special effort?"
Witty Comeback
Man: "Would you like to go back to my place or yours?"
You: "Well, I don't know. Can 2 people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I feel like I've seen you somewhere before."
Woman: "Yeah, which is why I don't visit the place anymore."
Man: "Say, haven't we met before?"
You: "Yes, I'm the head Nurse at the VD clinic."
Man: "You smell so good. What is that?"
You: "It's called 'Soap'. I'm guessing they don't have that where you come from."
Man: "I was wondering if you would go out with me sometime this week?"
You: "I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
Man: "Hey! You're looking nice. Wanna hang out?"
You: "I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock."
Man: "I've had my eye on you. Can I buy you another drink?"
You: (All you have to do is give a big yawn and look at the time. This will make him realize that his pick up line did nothing on you)
Man: "Do you think I can give you a buzz?"
You: "My number's in the phone book."
Man: "How will I find it? I don't even know your name."
You: "You can find it in the book as well."
Now I know that some snappy comebacks are a bit over the top, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Henceforth you are in such dire moments, don't shy away from throwing any of these witty/wacky insults at them.