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12 Things You Should Never Say to the Spouse of a Deployed Soldier

Puja More Apr 23, 2019
For ages, it's been observed that the wife of a man at war is stronger than anyone. Her spouse being on deployment does not give anyone a reason to behave awkwardly with her. Support her, listen to her, and comfort her instead of saying silly things that might hurt her.

How do you manage it alone?

Yes it is difficult to manage the house alone. But it is not rocket science. He lives miles away but stays in touch with his wife.
He is always there to support her in any situation. He trusts her enough to hand over the responsibility of the house to her and accomplish his duty for the nation.

Are you not scared?

This is the most irrelevant question one can ever ask to the spouse of a soldier who is trying to come to terms with her husband's deployment.
Of course she is scared, but she allays her fears by keeping herself busy with her daily chores. Her soulmate is on the war front, and you remind her of being scared. It is like breaking the strength of the firm pillar holding everything together. She is afraid but she is strong enough to hide it.

Don't you both miss each other?

Questioning a deployed soldier or his wife about missing each other is like asking a fish if it is missing water.
The only difference between the two is that the latter will give up her life without water, but the former will live strong (even if they are far away from each other) with the vigor of trust, love, and hope which they build between each other.

When is he coming back?

Ask once... okay, twice... okay, thrice... FINE; a fourth time... alright now, enough!
If you do not have anything else to say to support her, then it is better to remain silent instead of asking the same question every time you meet her. Don't test her patience.

Is he implacable on the war field?

WHAT? Do you intend to find if her husband is a ruthless mercenary, or are you more interested in hearing gory stories of war? If you are so curious to know about the war, search online.

Friends showing off their husband's love

This is for the wife's friends. Well, may be you have a very loving husband who cares a lot for you, gives you gifts and never goes away from you.
But you are simply hurting the wife of a soldier by telling her such things. She won't be jealous but will definitely feel bad for her husband being so far from her. Yes your husband loves you a lot, but her husband has a big heart to love her and his duty equally.

You knew what you were getting into!

She knew what she was doing when she said "I do". She prepared herself for this moment of parting ever since. But even if she is mentally prepared, it's not easy for her.
There will be times when she will need him by her side, but she can't help it and has to deal with the situation alone. If she shares this with anyone, then she expects a supportive word and not things that might make her feel miserable about her situation.

It must be difficult to look after the kids alone.

Looking after the children alone is a tough row to hoe. She has to look after the house, manage her job, and to top it all, she has to look after their kids.
It can be very difficult to handle the kids when their father is away, but both of them skillfully take care of the situation. After the father leaves, the kids are her responsibility, and she takes care of them perfectly. She keeps the kids close to their father even in his absence.

We are always there to help you out.

This statement is the parent's favorite catchphrase. They voice this out of concern, but they need to believe that their daughter is strong enough to do this alone.
She being upset for a few days is acceptable, and they should give her time and space to restore her routine. They should not run to help every time they find her shedding tears as she may have to face this situation in the future too.

You are lucky to be independent.

His absence doesn't make her 'lucky'. It does not meant that she is free roam around and hang out at her parents, relatives, and friends place every other day.
She has her own job, house and kids to look after. Her husband and marriage are not the only things of her life, there are many other facets to her life.

How many days more?

It is not a business meeting or a trip to get over in a day or two. It is deployment, and no one can predict its duration. The wait ends only after he retires, till then both partners have to face the ups and downs of separation.

Don't you feel lonely?

It's understandable that she feels lonely. There may be nights when she hugs the pillow and cries in solitude.
There may seem to be no end to her tears when she sits in the house all by herself and misses him. There may be times when she suppresses the lump in her throat to keep others strong. She feels like calling him but stops herself because she knows that her husband is on the war front, and she should not make him weak with her emotions.