5 Things to do Before you Confront Someone ~ GYAN
Confrontation is something I have always tried to escape. Yes, I hate to act and react. I hate to confront. I hate to fight. But at times, there is an overpowering urge to react impulsively to situations that are not much in our control. So how should one go about it? Here let me share my list of five things to do before you confront. Hope this helps people!
There are always ample reasons to make you angry. It could be a scathing remark by a colleague/boss, a sardonic comment by a friend/acquaintance, an indecent gesture by a stranger or some incessant rambling by a loud-mouthed insensitive idiot in the family itself. But all of them are just plain successful in bringing out the blues in you. Of course, each one of us must have had those WTF moments, where a sudden adrenaline surge pushes us hard to the wall by crushing down our sanity with a lot of misdirected anger.
Yes, anger! Anger is one emotion of the strangest kind, more so like a necessary evil. It is an emotion that has been integrally fixated in every living thing (to some extent, I believe, even non-living things exhibit anger, but then that's one way of looking at things. Believe a stone has a life, it will have one!). And then anger is just one letter short of danger! Yes anger is a double-edged sword which can do irreversible damage. So coming to the crux of this article, I have had many such moments in my life, where my tolerance to traits like ignorance, insensitivity and callousness hit rock bottom and my urge to spit fire was just overwhelming. At such a time, 'give what you get' sounds most logical! Doesn't it?
But then, time and again a wise man used to advise me, 'Do not spill words. They are precious. They make or break relationships which are made of glass. So be judicious in using your tongue as miserly as some magpie spends his money.' Many a time, I had ignored this statement, thinking it is just plain impossible for someone to be at a receiving end for no reason. But then at some point in life, it just set me off thinking.
And after a lot of thought, I sort of figured out, what does it cost to hold back the tongue and let mind take over heart? And then a dog's reaction (which would have been the first and instant reaction) could be disastrous and futile too. Not only will such a reaction aggravate a circumstance already gone bad, it will also tear down one's mental peace to shreds, which is definitely not worth any attention demanded by such a situation. So what should one do, when one is very angry, or is in a position to confront someone, or is impulsed to make the other person wish that he were never been born?
So when you find yourself in a catch-22 situation, try out this list of five things to do before you confront someone.
1. Immediately gulp down two glasses of water before your tongue springs into action. Yes, it is definitely the most common advice that comes from elders, but mind well that no hair is gray, not without a reason! And by experience, I can say water is a natural stress reliever. Not only does it weaken the gravity of the situation, but it also wanes away your impulses to react, instantly.
2. Then sit down in any quiet corner of your place, where you are alone (just you and your conscience). Close your eyes, take a deep breath and be still for at least 2 minutes. It is just two minutes, but at that precise moment, you might get the feeling of hours as the two minutes drag by. It is because, mind is a stallion that races infinite times faster than your computer, when you are angry!
3. Now, take a note book and a pen. Mark four columns, 'You said', 'He said', 'Reaction' and 'End Result'. Write down your situation in these four columns. Sounds funny? Trust me, many a time, funny things in life give out the most logical and sane solutions to problems. Now try to strike a conversation in your mind with the person who is to be confronted. Once the first virtual conversation is over, fill up the details in the four columns. The first entry must be definitely a lot spicy and hot. Keep repeating the number of your virtual conversations and make the respective entries. Trust me, each entry will be different from the previous one. At the end, you will not only feel relaxed but also, when you take a look at your entries, you will find that every entry you have made will be more logical and rational than the previous one. So now you get an idea on how to look at the problem in different ways and how to tackle it in the right way.
4. Once this activity is over, the next thing to do is to decide whether to react or not. When Newton said, 'Every action has an equal and opposite reaction', I believe he only meant Physics and not human behavior. Because in human behavior, the reaction is not just opposite, it is more than equal! So, going by activity three, if you feel the time is inappropriate for a reaction, buy your time to tame your impatience and wait for the time to ripen. Going by the other case, if the time is just right, then before reacting, sit down to analyze the consequences to be. Sometimes, a foresight by instinct can make things much easier than anticipated and can also save you a lot of unpleasant arguments.
5. Now, coming to the action part - Confrontation, it is a known fact that 'Communication is a bridge between our thoughts and action.' And who is the communicator? The tongue! Yes, tongue is one powerful medium of communication most of the time, besides the face and body language. However, this tongue can choose to become our enemy by listening to the heart and ignoring the rationality of mind. So, once you are ready for the action part, make sure you rehearse your final conversation with the person mentally. Trust me, the efforts put in this small exercise not only saves you a lot of energy, but also makes you see from the perspective of the opponent to some extent, which is very crucial for a healthy conversation/argument.
So this was a list of five things to do before you confront someone. You see, when I was given this advice, I had pooh-poohed it only because I thought one cannot afford to be so rational in life. But I was wrong. When I tried this activity, it did help me broaden my perspective and also to an extent made me mature enough to understand that if our life appears complex to us, so does it appear the same to everyone else.
After all, what has to happen does happen always, but how it should happen and in what way, can definitely be in our control. And mind well, a situation never spirals out of control, but the repercussions of a situation sure can! And what does it take to try out the above activity? Just a try? And by my experience, it does work and costs you nothing! Hope this article helps you in your anger management. Good luck...!!