"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
― Oscar Wilde
― Oscar Wilde
If we could help it, we would never really share our things. We wouldn't really want to think about others and sacrifice something that could've been all ours. But we still do that. Why? 'Cause we live in a society and societal rules and nomenclature demand that we share, care, empathize, and such and such. So we learn that these are all positive traits and that a good human being is one who has a profusion of these positive qualities. Of course, there are times when we show traits of negative behavior―in the way of selfish behavioral patterns. But these do not become a part of our behavior and merely limit themselves to select occasions.
And then there are self-centered people who do not exhibit any of the above-mentioned positive traits and thereby affect other people's adjustment in society. Dealing with self-centered people can get tough if one does not know how to go about it. In extremes, this can turn out to be a personality disorder and can be very draining for those who have to deal with it.
Self-centered people like things to be done their way and they are convinced that their way is the only right way. They do not like it if people do not behave or do things according to the way they want them done. They allow no scope for other people's opinions. Self-absorbed people also expect that their problems and needs should always be given top priority.
Self-absorbed people find it difficult to have long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. Since they are usually about the 'taking' and rarely about the 'giving', they cannot sustain emotionally strong relationships. Which is the reason why they are not always reliable. They are initially able to attract people with their charm and smooth talk, but soon, people find their self-absorbed banter, draining.
Self-absorbed and self-centered people only think of their own self and are not very considerate or empathetic towards others―if they are considerate, it is only because they are constantly calculating what the other person can do for them. In that way, the other person is only important because of their 'usefulness'.
Self-centered people consider themselves to be superior than the others around them―they therefore do not give others' opinions any importance and think that they're too good for them. In a conversation, self-centered people often cut someone's point to put forth their own. They hardly ever acknowledge others' involvement in a project. Nor do they contribute in group activities or projects that involve team work.
One of the most common characteristics of a self-absorbed person is that he/she always blames others for things not turning out the way they had hoped. This happens because they think that they can do no wrong.
Self-absorbed people often like to 'steal the show' and take credit for work. This person often brags about their achievements and have a tendency to make a major deal about something that might be quite minor to begin with. They need to be in the limelight and be the center of attention at all times and require constant praise and needs constant validation.
Self-indulgent people have a huge ego and they don't usually acknowledge their mistakes―in fact, they rarely ever apologize for the same. They do not listen to what others have to say and exhibit several traits of selfishness in this way.
Self-obsessed people are materialistic because inanimate objects can be controlled and manipulated. They are very, very possessive about their objects and the people around them and do not like to share anything.
Self-indulgent people care more about their self-image than anything else and want the world to revolve around them. In that way there is always a lack of empathy in relationships.
People who are self-centered share a lot of their traits with narcissistic behavior traits and therefore dealing with these kinds of people needs to be managed in the same way that narcissists are dealt with.
Self-indulgent people are indifferent to many things in society and other people because all their concentration is only on themselves and their needs.They put their happiness before anyone else. They do not encourage others to excel in any field. Anyone succeeding is not in their agenda. They pull people down with actions and harsh words.
How to Deal with Self-centered People
It's needless to say that living with a person(s) who is self-centered is not easy and can take a toll on the way a person interacts with others. While there are certain methods that one can adopt while dealing with people who are self-centered, it is important to understand that you cannot change a self-centered person. It is their nature, and unless they analyze their own behavior, there is going to be no scope of change and improvement.
When interacting with self-centered people, try to do so in a group so that there are others present around and there is a chance to get your point across as well. This will prevent the self-obsessed person from making it all about himself/herself. Try to look for breaks in their speech to include your points of view.
If possible, try to understand why the self-obsessed person exhibits such behavior patterns. When you find their underlying needs for that behavior, or certain ways in which they stop that behavior, then supplying them with that will prevent the behavior pattern. Like a genuine praise might stop them from trying to hoard the attention further.
Do not lose your temper or peace of mind by getting affected with what they do. Try to remain focused on your life. It is very easy to start reacting and behaving like they do, but that is only going to affect you and bring no change in them whatsoever.
Try to speak to the self-obsessed person and tell them how their behavior affects you. In case of confrontation, keep it short and simple. Listening to others is not one of their strongest qualities and they have a very low attention span.
It has been seen that a self-centered person cannot really be expected to change. Do not give in to their demands at the cost of your own. Do not let them dominate you―so don't be their doormat. This will only encourage them to be more and more selfish. Try to put your foot down and as hard as it may be, try to put your needs out there as well.
Dealing with self-centered people is not as easy it might seem. You need to be focused and not lose your cool. That is why many people find it easier to simply avoid or limit being in the company of people who are self-centered. Though it definitely does not hurt to try to talk to them, do not let them suck into your peace and quiet.