Separating from your roommate is quite a big decision, but breaking the news to him/her is an equally difficult task. Here are some solutions that will help you move out without harming your friendship.
Do you recollect the episode from Friends where Monica and Chandler decide to move in together, and both face a hard time telling their respective roommates about it? Yours can be a similar situation in which you love to stay with your roommate, but you are shifting out due to some reason, like your marriage, or a job change. Or it can be an entirely different situation where you are quite irritated by your roommate and are looking for a change.
It may sound very casual for a few people, who never had these kinds of roommates, but take it from me — it is one of the toughest things to do, especially when you have spent a long time together. I may also say that it can be as terrible as breaking up with your partner. It is easier to get into an argument with someone and leave in a fit of rage than to have an “adult” conservation and get by with it. However, it has to be done, because delaying things is anyway not going to make things easy for you. The sooner you speak, the better, as you will be able to take the load off your chest. This SocialMettle article will give you an insight into handling this situation smoothly, which can lighten that awkward silence.
Easy Ways to Break the Ice
The Perfect Start
Do you remember the day when you shifted into a new flat with excitement and planned to spend a great time with your roommate? Things do start well, but it’s not necessary that it stays the same till the end. When you decide to stay with someone, you tend to do a small check on the habits and likings of the person, but still things can turn bad, and you may end up deciding to move out. Even if you are staying with your childhood buddy, still it can go bizarre; as they say, things always don’t work out the way we have planned it.
Plan Your Excuses
When you live with someone, who is not your family, there are a lot of adjustments expected from you to make the living easy and enjoyable. There is no Mr. Perfect in this world; not even you. You may think of moving out just because you are irritated with your roommate for not doing the dishes, not chipping in for any of the household chores, or due to his/her poor personal hygiene. There may be many such habits that might have tested your patience. You have tried telling your roommate to improve but to no heed. In that case, you can start with your new apartment search.
Is it Your Final Decision?
Before coming to a decision about moving out, give it a second thought. May be you have landed at this stage due to some silly reasons, which can be solved easily. Or is the situation really getting that bad, and moving out is the only option left with you? Have a good long talk with your roommate about the problems you are facing. I feel everyone should get a second chance. But if you still feel that leaving is the best way, then there are some things you need to follow to wrap it up well. Why end it up in such a way that you won’t even smile at each other the next time you cross each others paths.
Do Your Homework
It’s very necessary to work on the excuses before you give your “moving out speech.” If you are moving out because of your job change, or marriage, then it should be easy, as your roommate will understand it. But if you are leaving due to some annoying habits, then I suggest you work on your reasons (come up with something that sounds convincing), so that you won’t hurt your roommate’s feelings. Even if you know it’s your roommate’s fault, you can always lie a bit to care for someone’s feelings. Make a small goodbye speech if you want to make the situation a bit better.
No Blame Game
Refrain from blaming your roommate for anything. Let there be hundreds of reasons why you are annoyed with him/her; forget and swallow it all. There is no need to spill it out and hurt someone’s feelings. It’s just a matter of some days, and you will be making it to another place. So why have a showdown and mess all the good time that you have spent together. Let the conversation go on well so that you can continue to keep in touch even after you move out.
Check Your Finances
You know your room partner quite well, and if finances is the reason that you are shifting out, then keep some time in your hand before you tell your roommate about your plan. It is better that you solve all the financial ends first and then untie the knot. May be a month or two before you shift out, keep your expenses to yourself, and try to collect all the debt back if there is any; avoid giving money if you know that he/she is that kind who doesn’t care about returning. Don’t give any hint of your shifting till you recover your finances.
Now once your decision is final, start finding a new place for yourself before you mention about your shift. It may happen that you take a while to find a new place, so keep some time in your hand, and then reveal your decision. You need to think about your financial stability as well; you can’t just move out, as you will have to bear some expenses when you do so. Apart from that, you can help your roommate by finding a replacement; it will be a good gesture to ease the situation and show your partner that you care.
Look for the Right Time
Before you tell your roommate, make sure that you are not ruining any important exam, interview, or meeting, which he/she has to attend. Choose the day and time accordingly. You can cook some good food for your roommate, go for a movie, or grab a couple of drinks before you tell your story. Try not to say all this in any public place if you know your roommate has the habit of dramatizing situations. Be inside the four walls, and then let it out.
Sugarcoat Your Words
When the moment of revelation arrives, the first thing you need to do is to be ready to hear out what your roommate says. Let the conversation be face-to-face. Obviously, it might come as a shock, so just keep calm till your roommate gets done with his/her outburst. It is always good to tell these things in person. If this is not possible at all, only then think of writing a letter and declaring it. Do not speak about your shifting when there are other people in your flat. Pull off the band-aid only when you are alone. Keep the whole conversation short and crisp, and use polite language.
Once you have told your roommate about your shifting, allow it to sink in. If your roommate is upset and yelling in anger, try to calm him/her and get control of the situation. Whatever happens, be firm on your decision to shift out. Give an ample notice period so that a new roommate can be finalized, and no one is left alone. Once that is over, work on how you are going to divide the things that you have brought together. Split the deposit and any other expenses for a happy ending.
Hasta la vista, Baby!
Just because you have shifted out does not mean you have become enemies. Even if you are staying with someone else now, make a call in between and ask how he/she is doing. You can go out for a movie together, or grab some drinks once in a while. Everyone needs friends, and it’s always good to stay in touch. You can actually sit together and gossip about your new (respective) roommates.
These were some tips that you can use if you are having thoughts about shifting out. They will help you escape any bitter feelings and memories towards your roommate, and you can continue your friendship without getting annoyed by his/her habits.