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How to Identify and Deal With Backstabbers

Tanaya Navalkar Jan 10, 2019
We meet all kinds of people in life, who pretend to be your best buddy, only to betray you with their spiteful behavior. They use you and stress you out physically as well as mentally. Whatever the reason, it is important that you do some damage control by watching out for some signs of a backstabber friend, and know to how to deal with him/her.

How to Identify a Backstabber

The most common sign - these kind of people are always jealous of your success and happiness. They're usually insecure and vulnerable people, with low self-esteem who harbor jealous thoughts and can easily backstab someone to feel superior.
They may even use this as a revenge or a way of pulling you down, to reach the top. They pretend to be all nice on your face and lift your ego for no apparent reason by filling you up with their ultra-sweet talks, before bursting your bubble.
Whether it's your friend or someone at work, knows all the information and gossip about everyone. Pay attention to such people. They talk badly or gossip about someone else in front of you, and again about you behind your back. They not only spill your secrets, also spread rumors coated with spices, like wildfire.
It's common to have little tiffs with friends, but with this person, it's like a fight is always round the corner, and that too for the silliest of reasons.
Within no time, it becomes a daily and never-ending habit, only to leave you mentally exhausted in the end. And when you know you're not the reason behind every fight, even though you may be blamed for it, take this as a HUGE sign.
Take a close look into your friendship once if there's a person who claims to be your 'best' friend but always displays a vanishing act whenever you need him/her. We tend to overlook this sign, often shrugging it off as a coincidence. However, you need to know that this is one of their obvious giveaways.
The way our brain works is amazingly brilliant. Your subconscious mind keeps flashing random doubts in front of your eyes and a weird sense of feeling that something is wrong.
However, analyze the situation well so that you don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Don't just blindly give in to your gut feeling and accuse someone of something. If you turn out to be right, you'll save yourself from all the drama and stress. And if you're wrong, you know someone's definitely got your back!

How to Deal with a Backstabber

Sometimes, people may treat you badly and do things that may lead to betrayal. Reacting while you're still annoyed or taking revenge in a tit-for-tat manner is an immature act, and will only make matters worse.
Try to remain calm and keep your cool. You don't have to ignore the situation, but you also can't obsess over this malicious behavior of your frenemy.
Try not to indulge or contribute to any kind of gossip with anyone. Also, try not to get involved in any private conversation, especially with the one who you feel is not the right kind of person to discuss personal matters. If you can't avoid being with anyone, then make sure you listen more and talk less.
Don't accuse anyone of anything without any evidence. When you've found one, confront and question them about their behavior. Remember that things can get a little unpleasant between you two.
Chances are that they will manipulate or deny all of it, and make you feel guilty instead. Focus on to what you have to say, and don't get bogged down by their explanations.
Before coming to any conclusion, do try to take a look at the positive side of this situation. It may be possible that, knowingly or unknowingly, you may have hurt them once upon a time, and that's why they're behaving this way.
If that is the case, apologize for your actions and try to mend things. If this is not the case, you'd have learned a lesson in the end. Be happy that you were saved from all this drama sooner than later.
It is depressing enough to be hurt and betrayed by someone whom you trusted so much. However, it is essential that you analyze how important the friendship is to you, and if you'll be able to forgive the person.
If nothing works, probably it's time to end the friendship, and free yourself of that toxic friend and all the negativity in your life. It will definitely hurt now, but it's surely going to be worth all the pain in the end.