A jealous friend can not only make your life miserable, he/she can also jeopardize the bond you two share with each other. It is characteristic of human nature to feel self-pity when you realize that someone you know has accomplished more than you did. A friend like that could be jealous of anything you have; a successful and good-looking husband, a high-income job, material possessions, beauty, wisdom, attention from the opposite sex, personal relationships or the fact that you are so happy and self contented in life. Does your friend always cut your happiness short by passing demeaning comments? Such a negative attitude towards you can create tension in your personal life, especially in your peer group. You don't want to lose your dear friend, but, how will you try to mend this situation and erase the feelings of jealousy that your friend seems to have harbored against you?
"Jealousy - that jumble of secret worship and ostensible aversion." ~ Emile M. Cioran
Dealing with Jealous Friends
- Be more understanding towards your friend. Your friend is definitely feeling jealous because he/she is lacking that part in his/her life. If you can, try to fill that gap in their life by helping them out and motivating them to achieve more. That is not working for you? Just give your emotional support to your friend and help them deal with it. Make sure you are not showing sympathy to your friend else it will further irate them.
- Talk to a mutual friend who is thick with both of you. Talk about your doubts and feelings towards the whole situation. Maybe they will help you see the situation in a different light by giving an alternative perspective on how to deal with jealous friends. They will also help you understand if you are just over judging constructive criticism by branding your other friend as jealous.
- Even if it hurts you or makes you angry, keep a positive attitude towards your jealous friend. Exchanging negative vibes will only make you both feel more bitter towards each other. I know it can be difficult being nice to someone you know has been secretly wishing for your ill. But, give it a try. It might just save your friendship. And, you never know, a positive attitude might just cause a change of heart and feelings in your jealous friend.
- Compliment your jealous friend on things that are working great for them in life, like great hair or a physique, a happy childhood or anything else. It will make your friend realize that just like them, you too lack certain things that they have. It will also help them be grateful for the things that they have in life and have for long neglected their value.
- Always remain down-to-earth. Just because your friend may be jealous of certain things you have got, it does not give you the right to pride yourself and make them feel worse about the things they may be lacking in life. Stay put to the ground and be grateful to God for the things you enjoy. They may be taken away from you anytime.
- Help your friend embrace the realities of life. We can't have it all but we can certainly strive towards it. If your friend is jealous of your well maintained figure, help them join the gym; if they are jealous of your wealth, motivate them to work harder; if they are jealous of your relationships, help them work on theirs.
- Jealous people tend to complain to God for not giving them certain things in life. They do not realize that achievements do not come so easily. Bring your friend closer to God. It may bring a tremendous change in their personality, re-build their self-esteem and help them live life fully instead of sitting in a corner and cribbing about it.
- Don't try to wear a fake smile when you greet your friend and it would help if you don't pretend to be unhappy in life when you really are not. They will hate you for being undeserving of the things that you already have and despise you for being greedy or ungrateful!
- Don't brag about your accomplishments. It's great to be such an achiever. But, showing it off will make your friends jealous even if they wish for your welfare and prosperity.
- When things don't work irrespective of trying to put in all your efforts to save your friendship from jealousy, you need to sit down and have a talk with your friend. Confront them and be open about it. You don't have to feel apologetic about having the things your friend does not. Though, be polite. May be your jealous friend does not realize that their behavior is hurting you. Better you point it out so they can keep a check on it if they are also interested in keeping your friendship. Never let your green-eyed friend walk all over you and make you feel guilty or helpless for not being a friend who could help them be just as successful.
- You can ask your friends from the same peer circle to help you deal with this situation. May be someone will be able to make your jealous friend realize that they have been wrong and help correct that behavior with some friendly counseling.
- When all else fails, it is time to let go. If your friend just wouldn't let go of their jealousy and insecurities, you should forget about it. Start ignoring them but just remain on amicable terms to avoid making enemies out of ex-friends. Pray that ignorance brings some realization upon your jealous friend.