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Funny Voicemail Messages That'll Tickle Your Callers' Funny Bone

Funny Voicemail Messages
There is plenty of room for being creative. You can always modify and personalize voicemail messages depending on your sense of humor. Keep it light and simple!
Kashmira Lad
Last Updated: Mar 26, 2018
voice messages
Voicemail is a wondrous invention that can truly define 'godsend'. It gives you the option of keeping annoying people at bay, without being outright rude. It only seems fair then, to return the favor by spicing up your voicemail greeting.
▶ Voicemail Ideas
• I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone; you might have to deal with me in person!
voice mail
• Hi, this is Bob's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions!
• Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
bet you're wondering where we are?
Well, put your mouth up to the phone,
And leave us a message for when we get home.
And if you can make your message rhyme,
We'll call you back in half the time!
• Sorry, we're not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard.
• Please leave your name and number - but first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Keep a pause so that the caller has time to think) 10Q. You're welcome!
• Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
• You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.
• Hi. This is John - If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
• This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.
• (Create a noisy sound) Hi! I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?
• Mom, Dad... Don't you think it would be easier to reach me if I had a cellular phone? So how about an early birthday present?
• Mark's voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
• As long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.