announcement

Update: Check new design of our homepage!

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser

The Little-known Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser

If you are someone who believes in being too nice and unselfish, and you always feel that you have done a lot for the people around you, then you just might be a people pleaser. Read ahead.
SocialMettle Staff
Last Updated: Sep 6, 2018
Let's start with a small test. Look into a mirror, observe yourself for 2 minutes. Then ask yourself the following questions:
  • What made me happy yesterday?
  • How much time did I spend with my loved ones?
  • How many times did I agree to do things for others?
  • Did the others thank me for doing things for them?
  • How many times did I apologize to others yesterday?
  • What did I do yesterday?
  • Was yesterday different from other days, or was it the same?
Are you happy with answers you got? No? Then you are a people pleaser. You are just wasting your time and efforts for others, while compromising on your own happiness. Are you sure that the people for whom you have done so much, will be there for you, when you need them?
Why Not To Be a People Pleaser
There are numerous drawbacks in pleasing people all the time. Even though many of us experience these failings, we fail to acknowledge them as a disadvantage of being a people pleaser. Here are a few reasons why you should not be one.
You Are Not The Priority
 A people pleaser always gives priority to others' work. Thereby compromising on the time which he had reserved for the completion of his personal work. He gives himself the lowest priority for the sake of being "nice".
You Don't Have Time For Your Loved Ones
A person who just wants to please others is so engrossed in doing so, that he seldom finds time to spend with his loved ones. The habit of people pleasing may lead to problems in personal life.
You Start Doubting Your Friends
A people pleaser begins to doubt the sincerity of his friends. He starts to think that even his friends are trying to use him for their personal benefits. This may end up straining his relationship with his friends.
You Are Taken For Granted
Others start taking a him for granted. They do not value his time or efforts because they feel that he always has time to do their work. They do not consider the personal issues of a people pleaser, and expect him to work for them all the time.
You Lose Your Identity
He never expresses his true opinion. He never says what he actually feels as he thinks that he might upset other people by talking his heart out. Others are so used to a people pleaser agreeing to them, that they forget that he is an individual and he has his own identity.
You Cannot Lead
He is so used to taking orders from others that, if he is given an opportunity to lead, then he won't be a good leader. He will not be able to direct others. He will not be able to command respect and others will not value his decisions.
You Cannot Take Firm Decisions
In order to take a firm decision, a person has to rise above the emotional conflicts in his head. Sometimes, your decision might offend a group of people but you still have to take it for the greater good, but a people pleaser will never offend anyone. This would bar him from taking firm decisions.
You Are Too Stressed
Pleasing everyone is not an easy thing to do. You may have to face a lot of emotional turmoil, while catering to the needs of others. The burden of doing others' work and keeping everyone happy takes a toll on him and subjects him to a lot of stress.
Some people might argue that they please people because they want to see everyone happy. The question you should ask your self is that, are you happy while trying to keep them happy? 
After reading this, you might have figured out whether you are a people pleaser or not. If you are one, you should stop living just for others. Please yourself too, everything else will fall in place automatically.