When They Lie
Want to catch someone lying to you? Pay attention to their body language―they will generally blink more rapidly than usual and start talking faster or slower than normal.
We all lie. We do. There is a strange sense of comfort in lying, something that lets us off the hook (maybe temporarily, but nonetheless). Some, of course, lie more often and more frequently than others. Why does one even lie, though. To put it very simply, there are 3, seemingly common reasons for why people take to embellishing the truth a little (or a lot)―1. When the truth is too painful to hear, 2. To buy some time, and 3. To ease a tense situation.
Most of us have been in each of these situations and have had to lie our way out of them. While some of these settings are capable of inducing a cold, cold, sweat-soaked symphony down our temple, there are others that are plain hilarious, erm, when viewed in retrospect. In keeping with that spirit, this SocialMettle article will highlight a few of the most obvious lies that people always tell and get away with (or so they'd like to believe).
Most Obvious Lies
I'll be there in 5...
... When all you're really thinking is, in 5 minutes I'll be 20 minutes away from being there. Saying which, pretty much amounts to signing your death warrant, so you conveniently roll off this excuse, push the accelerator hard, and drive over like a maniac. And when you finally get there, you go in all huffing and puffing, and blame the #$^#@ traffic. Classic lie, this one.
Yup. No matter if you're down in the dumps, going through a breakup, having a splitting headache and are generally having a pretty much meh day, you're still going to answer with a 'I'm fine'. Why? Because it's the polite thing to do, you think. Dragging people into the layered complications of your life is not really something that you're looking forward to, and neither are you looking forward to making yourself vulnerable to every onlooker. So, How are you? I'm fine. Also, I'm good.
Because 29 is like 10 years younger than 30, right? That is the logic. We will pretty much stretch our '29 years old' title till the last second of our official birthday, heck, till the exact time till we were born 30 years ago. We will wear it like a medallion, showing it off proudly like we're better than 'those 30 year olds', just because we are not yet in our gasp! 30s. Until the time we do actually turn 30 and then, 'How are you? I'm fine' happens.
I'm sorry I didn't take your call. The phone was in the other room.
Or it was on silent, or the screen wasn't functioning or the this and the that. And what do you want to scream instead? *Rubbing hands together*... The phone was in my hand. I didn't take it. I was screening your call and I couldn't take another story about your life in shambles. About your dull routine and the ridiculous problems that are all in your head. Yup. Exactly that.
I'm only a little short of 6 feet and own a business.
Read, I'm about half a foot shorter than 6 feet and own a newspaper stand across the road. Even if we're exaggerating, you get the drift. Online dating profiles are some of the most difficult to fill out, considering that you're being judged on the basis of the smallest, most minute detail. So then, tweaking the profile a little is common. Wrong, but common.-
Thank you. I loved it!
Did you? Really? Did you love the sweater with the 2 doves necking on its front? And did you also love the sapphire-hued bell bottoms that aunt Maria got for you? That's what we thought. But of course, we know, it's easier to get all excited and beam and bare the teeth a little more than usual, than to say otherwise, come off sounding like an insensitive jerk, and hurt their feelings. We get it. Yes, of course I loved the honey chicken with apples, aunt Rosa. Thumbs up.
I'll exercise from Monday...
... Is what you tell the world, and you tell yourself, but come Monday morning and the eyelids feel like lead and the blanket wrapped around you feels like second skin, and those dreams, oh those dreams pull you back. Tomorrow, tomorrow, for sure. Those funny, obvious lies, we tell you.
Sorry, I won't be able to make it. I have a work thing.
Translation. I will be sitting in my pajamas, hoarding on junk and comfort food and watching Netflix. Why interact with society like a 'normal human being' and get flooded with questions about 'When are you tying the knot, having a baby, etc., etc., when you can drown in nonfictional characters who don't judge you or your life choices? Why?
I have a year's experience as a landscape management consultant.
Yeah, right. Try a year's experience in coming up with stories. Mowing the lawn and watering the plants is not being a landscape management consultant. You know that, we know that, and the people looking to hire you, probably know that as well. Embellishing the truth on the resume is one of the most common lies that people take to in the professional world. Sometimes it pays, and sometimes it doesn't.
It wasn't me.
Because, hell no. No way are you going to take the blame for that one and have people turn batsh** crazy on your a**. It could be anything―recording over your dad's game, breaking your mum's favorite China plate, getting a dent on the boyfriend's car... just perfect the confused, mildly shocked face and a convincing tone to go with it before you try the 'It wasn't me'.
We all lie. A small fib, a tiny white lie, a little tweaking of the truth. And it's OK as long as no one gets hurt. But while we may think that we're quite the craftsmen in spinning these tales, the other person might be on to us and not like it. At all. Eeps, huh? But then again, it wasn't you, was it?