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Are You a People Pleaser?

Chesley Maldonado Apr 21, 2019
People often put aside their own desires and beliefs for other people. There is a difference between being an unselfish person and a people pleaser. Continue reading to know more...
How do you feel about those conversations that start off with, "Hi, can you do me a favor?" Do you find yourself thinking, "Oh no, not again!" or "What do they want this time?"
We all know people need our help, and it is also a good practice to care for others. But, on the other hand, constantly going out of your way to do things for others, can be taxing on your life. So, where do you draw the line?
When a friend or a family member asks you a favor, do you always say yes? What if you are extremely busy with your own plans, or have set an agenda to finally get something done?
Many people are ready and willing to help others in need, and that is excellent. Sometimes, however, people help others at the expense of their own quality of life. While it is a wonderful thing to assist others, we all need to keep a delicate balance between giving and keeping for ourselves.
Basically, when people just can't say no to someone who asks a favor, they can be termed as people pleasers. Those who worry that saying no is always wrong, need a bit more balance and assistance.

The Assessment

How do you know if you are truly a people pleaser? Here is a quick quiz to help you figure things out.
1. You have several important things on your to do list today, and your best friend asks you to baby-sit tonight, just for an hour. You:
a. Say no, you are too busy.
b. Say maybe, you just have to finish up with a few things.
c. Say yes, "of course," and stress out later.
2. Your boss asks you to stay and work for an extra 3 hours tonight. You end up doing things you were planning on getting to the next week. You had plans to go out and unwind. There's no pressure, it's just a favor to give your boss peace of mind. You:
a. Say no, you have other plans tonight.
b. Say yes, but only for one hour.
c. Say yes, and cancel your plans.
3. When it comes to having 'me time,' you:
a. always make time for yourself
b. try to make time for yourself
c. don't believe there is such thing as time to yourself
4. If people come to you for a favor, they can expect
a. Not much, you're usually too busy.
b. You may say yes or no, depending on the favor.
c. You always help out no matter what.
5. Who do you most focus your time and attention on?
a. I am always on my mind; I take care of me first always.
b. I occasionally do something just for me, but generally think of others.
c. Other people always come first; I put myself last.
6. How do you feel when someone asks you to do something for them?
a. Annoyed, I don't have time to waste.
b. Delighted, I enjoy helping people when I can.
c. Frustrated, I always end up falling behind with my own plans.

How did you do?


If you answered mostly 'a', you probably don't think of others very much. You are a busy individual, and you are driven to succeed. The needs of others don't really fit well in your equations.
There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, but lending a helping hand once in a while, is a good thing. Give it a try more often, you may find it rewarding. You don't always have to make a sacrifice to help others, and you may want to try to think of others more.

Pleasant Pleaser

If you answered mostly 'b', you probably have a pretty balanced lifestyle. You understand the vitality of caring for others. You also perceive that to truly enjoy helping others, you sometimes have to put yourself first. Or you won't have  energy to give more to others when they need it. As long as you don't go neglected, helping someone out is a sure thing.

People Pleaser

If you answered mostly 'c', you probably have trouble saying no to other people. You may be afraid of disappointing them. But try to think things through. Helping other people is great, but you have to first love yourself. Don't be afraid of the word no sometimes, and balance your life with a little 'me time.'
If you had mixed results, you might be leaning towards one extreme or the other. No matter what your results are, it is important to keep in mind that others should be important to you, but your needs are a priority. You don't have to please everyone, but you should do what makes you happy, at least sometimes.